i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
