Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
