Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
