he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
