Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
