3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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