who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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