shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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