Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
