they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
