my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
