I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dignity is for republicans.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize