You can't motorboat a personality
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
