so explain again why im purple
no
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My feet surprised me
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