): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
