haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
