Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
