dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
