She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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