i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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