its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
