no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your cock deserves a montage
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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