The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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