I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
