My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
