She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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