i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
