If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
