Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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