hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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