I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
