Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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