I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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