FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize