i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
