I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
