is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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