a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I looked at my own cervix.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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