I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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