i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
