And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
