you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
