Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
