I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
