He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
