I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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