doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize