he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
