I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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