omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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