OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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