Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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