____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
where are my eyebrows?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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