True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
