I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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