never play flip cup with pint glasses
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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