So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
nutella sex= disaster
you didnt know i had herpes?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
