I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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