Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
