If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
