Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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