I love black thongs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
