Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
