I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize