Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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