i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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