Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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