You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
