census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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