It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
