Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
