i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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