He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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