the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
