she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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