I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
