Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
