I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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