Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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