i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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