I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
People in love make me want to vomit
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
