I just pynch a tree in the face
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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