girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
40s are totally the cure
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
