I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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