She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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