Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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