Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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