Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
