Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
