Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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