bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hippo gnu deer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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