he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
