I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
