well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
