You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
