I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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