I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
