Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize