He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
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