So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
