so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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