i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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