we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
