there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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