This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
