i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am spending my child support on dildos
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
