I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
