im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
