my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
