Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
