eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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