dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize