its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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