The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize