Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
