There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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