I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
