Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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