I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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