he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize