She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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