saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
