How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's like heaven, but drunker
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
