there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
